i can't believe i'm crying again

its so ridiculous. that i'm crying and blaming myself for the fact that my father's marriage is falling apart. and when i blame myself the blame goes back to andy. because if he hadn't fucking done what he did i never would've moved in here and everything would've been different. my stepmother treats me like shit and makes me feel like this is my fault, and maybe it is. because i haven't gotten a job and i fucked up college and i don't do anything right. because it must be my fault that she and my father don't get along. i have no expectation of privacy, she goes through my room, she does nothing but insult me half the time. i'm just her slutty stepdaughter that was never welcome here in the first place. and here i go again fishing for pity or some shit. i don't know. i can't find a solution, except the inevitable one i'll never be brave enough to follow through with. she'll play me against my father til the last breath. i want to run away. i want to leave all this bullshit behind me and i can't, because i fucked everything up.