numbness

laying on my bed, 12:20am or so. coming to the end of a section of the lust lizard of meloncholy cove, which i may or may not finish before i sleep tonight. and i can't feel anything. i can't feel anything positive, would be more specific. i feel hatred. i feel anger. i feel disgust. i feel contempt. i don't feel love. i can still laugh, because christopher moore is a genius (go out and read these books, please, i can't convey that enough). but beyond amusement i'm just a hollow tube of antipathy. i think that's the word. its one of those "pathy"s. i'm too lazy to type it into the dictionary.com box to look it up. the songs on my ipod go from emo to country to late eighties/early nineties grudge-esque. i skip the mitch hedburg bits and for some reason i skip the smiths and hoobastank. theres no method to this maddness. and if there is one i'm completely sick of turning over rocks to find it. i'm just going to let the moss grow over my lethargic mental state. maybe if the us hadn't bit it to canada today i'd be in a better mood. probably not. in being very shallow i look down at my "i'm not really a waitress" painted toenails and think about how pretty they look against my new cherry covered flip flops. its like 42 degrees outside and i'm wearing flip flops. if the temperature drops another ten, i probably will still be wearing them, because they look pretty. angry and vain. what a simply splendid combination.
"have a good night, and i hope your stepmother gets pushed infront of a train" -erik