this town

this town makes me feel ugly. because when i lived here that was what i was, i was awkward, and not pretty and no guy wanted to be anything more than my friend. i mean...its been years since that was the truth, but walking around here, it just makes it so evident, and i feel so alone. on tuesday i walked up to living memorial (the park, for those of you non coopersburgians) and i was swinging on the swings and listening to my headphones...singing outloud, because there was no one around, even if there had been i may have sung anway. i was so completely happy in that moment, i don't even know how to explain it...sining comfortable by john mayer, and swinigng like i was five, that was probably why it was so great, because i felt like i was five. then walking back i was going to go talk to amanda nicole, i had written her a letter and picked her some stupid flowers and everything, but i pussied out...i saw her from across the lot and i just couldn't do it. i called dan, he reassured me that i wasn't a pussy...i needed to hear that from him, because he did it all semester....really sort of miss that kid...might be going to the phillies game on monday, pretty excited about that. i think this entry started out about coopersburg, and how i don't feel like a whore here, that i feel like a kid, an awkward, unpopular loser that couldn't get a date if she tried. at least in the NY metro area i have some fucking self esteem...but not here, not in coopersburg. anyway, my lip is finally starting to un-numb from the dentist, so i'm going to try and eat...

"i braved those mountain passes and you skipped your early classes and we learned how our bodies worked..."