hours

i have aproximately 63 hours left in the city i love. after that i return to the home i don't. theres a lot going on in my head and elsewhere, but i can't get into it...i can't cry in public anymore...i really wish i could just run the fuck out of tears...i'm so sick of crying, being emotional, i long for apathy. dan and i had a conversation about apathy today. i told him about chad morrow...the most apathetic kid i ever knew...to date. i sort of had some communication with a very old former friend today...it kind of felt good...that i'm in a place where i don't hate her anymore. i realized this a few days ago mid breakdown, she just popped into my mind...and i was like...i'm not angry with her anymore...its so useless that i had all that anger for so long...we were so young. i mean...it was only like three years ago, but still, it seems like a century ago with all thats happened, the tragedy, the other stuff...all the shit i've done even this past school year....crazy...well in the end...who knows...ramble ramble ramble...

this is a great song...i listened to emerson drive all day...<3>

Lemonade, by Emerson Drive

Called in sick to the coffee shop
Said let's go someplace the weather is hot
Bought two plane tickets and called a yellow cab
Drank all our money at beachside bars
Took pictures of each other smokin' cheap cigars
Stole a blanket from the hotel room and slept on the sand
We held the world like a glass of lemonade
It tasted sweet
Oh, man we had it made

Chorus:
Didn't we laugh, weren't we brave
Wasn't it cool actin' like fools
With nothing in our way
Picture in a frame, deep blue sky
You and I stuck in time like
We would never fade
baby why'd we have to change

Did we get old or too grown up
To do anything just because
Just because we just don't give a damn
Oh, when did we get so serious
What happened to that part of us
Baby can you help me out, I don't understand
We held the world like a glass of lemonade
It tasted sweet
Oh man, we had it made

Chorus

Look at us in the photograph
So beautifully naive
I want it back

Chorus

Let's call in sick and leave this town
Don't matter where we go let's just go now
I'm thirsty for a glass of lemonade