warning...this is what they call suicidal ideation

its 2am. i'm listening to matchbox twenty, which comes right after matchbook romance on the itunes, imagine that. i'm completely upset for no good reason, and before you say it...yes you've heard this all before. and no i haven't done anything to better my situation. i never do anything to make it better. i'm probably making it worse on purpose. because i'm stuck in some imaginary cage of my own creation and i'm trapped. i lost the goddamn key. i don't even know why i'm posting...no one (yes stephen and amanda, i know you read it, i'm sorry, but you are the only ones) reads this goddamn blog anyway, who would want to, i never say anything original, or witty, or entertaining. i ramble. and its usually an unhappy rambling. why the fuck can't you just be happy, you may ask...i don't know...i wish i could figure it out to. i'm seriously considering hardcore drug use, but somehow, i doubt that's going to help at all, and i can't really get a feel for it. i can't even get a feel for smoking. so i'll just take a few sleeping pills and wake up around 1pm, to the scary house i live in, with the parents who don't even like eachother. and i'll just keep going...because i'll never actually break beyond where i am right now. and if you've stuck around this long and not given up...i don't know why...i gave up on myself a long time ago.

.......somehow rob thomas even before he sold out isn't helping right now...........