or lack there of.

so i haven't posted. i haven't had anything good to say. its all been said before. read my blogs for the past 2 years...i'll send you the xanga archive if you want. its all there. well, most of it. and what isn't, what's in my head right now, the demon i'm toying with, i can't talk about it. so this is my post, or lack of one. its checking the profile of someone you intentionally took off your buddy list so you wouldn't check it. i'm probably the only freak that does that. that scene from garden state. its bugging me out. go read hairshirt, its a lot more entertaining than i am. i really want some of that corn thing my aunt made on saturday. some corn pudding thing. it was good. theres no food here for me to eat. but that isn't anything new. oh well. i've come to the conclusion that i've most likely spent a great deal of my time trying to be something that i'm not. trying to be unique. forcing poetry when there's nothing but prose, and untalented prose at that. i want a cigarette extremely bad right now. i was talking to anthony about it last night. i had a good time at the movies with corinne. i realized last night that i can't be mad at anthony for living his life the way he is, because he's happy, and that's more than i can say for myself. his odd brand of enlightenment brought me a scintilla of my own. everyone spends so much time judging people on their own perceptions of right and wrong, it would be so much easier and truer to base the worth of a person on her happiness, not on actions or accomplishment or even behavior. on happiness. i'll leave you with that.