it just fucking hurts is all

since stephen left like a little over an hour ago nothing feels right, and then i hear about this, and i can barely hold my breath and not cry. i don't want to talk about it, and i'm trying extremely hard not to think about it, and continue pretending it isn't true. the phils just lost in 13 innings or 12 or something and i'm about to head upstairs and start diving into law and order season 3.
until i get some desire to continue posting, i'll leave you with some death cab lyrics...

What Sarah Said
by Death Cab for Cutie

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny glance of father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
that I’d already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth
I would rather lose
than to have never lain beside at all

Then I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes round
And everyone lifts their heads
And I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s going to watch you die?
So who's going to watch you die?
So who's going to watch you die?