home.

home is a relative concept. is it where you keep your stuff and crash out at night? or is it a feeling? i'd have to go with the former...or the latter...for some reason i can't remember which one is which at the moment, some literary genius i am. not that i ever claimed to be. i digress. to me home is a feeling. (wow the to be verbs are taking over, please excuse the poor prose, i'm a little out of it) i can't honestly tell you i ever feel at home where i happen to be laying my head, at least for the last few years, because somehow it has little to do with comfort and freedom, which are the perks of some living situations. i'm trying to find the right words to describe this feeling, because its an extreme, a full feeling of completeness and safety, an assurance that no matter what kind of bad things happen you'll be okay, i'll be okay. the easiest way for me to capture this surprisingly elusive emotion, for me, is to hop on a bus who's destination belongs to the 212 area code. as soon as i see light at the end of the lincoln tunnel its like something is lifted from my being, some how all that pollution makes me breath easier. by this time if you know me at all it doesn't take much, i don't have to have plans or a specific destination, hell when i lived in the city one of my favorite things to do on a saturday was get on a train and get off somewhere random and just explore. yesterday was such a day, where i couldn't take one more day in allentown, i needed to breath again, i needed to feel at home. so i bummed around most of the day, central park, rockefeller plaza, west village...up to see sol at school in harlem. woot. and finally spent a good hour bumming around time square (very unlike me in general, but let me tell you, m&m world was SWEET!). no matter how tired i was or alone or whatever, ji was perfectly content, just chilling on random park benches and reading my book, or chillin on a boulder in central park to write for a while. i need adderall to sit still that long anywhere else. i can't say this feeling is exclusive to manhattan, because i've felt it a time or two in other locations, but in those situations it was who i inhabited that environment with and not the environment itself. then again i'll always love new york more than any other human being...because she's rarely ever let me down....except in july 06...but that trip even had its moments. on some level this is all that one conversation from garden state...which even abe thinks is a halfway decent movie so it can't be that bad.

currently reading: legacy of the force: betrayl (as soon as i locate it...it seems to have run away)
currently listening to: bandcamp. (miss them:()
is there any other decently good current things to list?
probably not.

oh and why did my computer change daylight savings time already when it hasn't happened yet?
i don't know who my computer thinks he is.
pleasant salutations to you.
farewell.

a little bit...

off at the moment. i keep having this flash back to this crazy thing i did like six years ago. ever since abe told me about this dream he had. i guess i'm just thinking too much. the way i wish it would all turn out. the fucking scenerio game i play in my head creating unworldly expectations that will never be met.

nevermind.
i'm not sure it even matters anyway.

the return....(ok not of the jedi.)

its been some time. over a year infact since i've posted on here. therefore i'm sure i'm going to post links places again and hopefully regain at least one of the five people who used to read my mindless ramblings. but i have to take iniative to start writing again, before my brain turns completely to inedible mush that even your pet zombie won't be interested in.
i was inspired earlier. (straight from the pages of another marble comp book)

The dowtown bus. I hate taking the bus. But its raining and I"m a little stoned. I listen to my r&b mix (a whopping seven songs) on an aproximately three minute ride down 7th street. I hop off the bus and call my mother back, a conversation consisting of her recent return from visiting my grandmother and varioius other family in Cali. She got me a tee shirt from Laguna. "You like that show don't you?" In another life time perhaps, but it was sweet of her to think of me. Now I'm sitting in Quiznos, a pleasent surprise because I had almost forgotten there was one down here, I haven't had any in so long, and this steakhouse beef dip is amazing.

Thats the only snipit of what i wrote this afternoon i thought worth while. though that might not even be so. I'm about to cuddle up for some extended tv watching (cable is helping mush my brain) but here are some currents for you because i think that kind of thing is fun.

Currently reading: My Boring-ass Life- Kevin Smith.
Currently listening to: whatever is on in the other room.
Currently wishing: i wasn't stuck in allentown and that i was some place cooler. like new york. or ohio.


hope. peace. love.